Cloverfield Sucks Balls…

I admit…I fell for it. The movie with no name…no idea what’s going on…no idea of what kind of monster. I mean I should have known. If they’re hiding it from you…it’s probably cause it sucks. Cause it fucking did.

The beginning gets you rolling just like the trailer did…gets you into it…but then it just turns stupid. I don’t mean stupid like a horribly produced movie…I mean stupid like the characters in the movie were just stupid. I mean if a fucking monster is attacking my city…I’m not gonna chill in the street and talk it over with my friends on what we should do. Then I’m not gonna hang out in the subway where the monster is above me…and could potentially crush the concrete above my head. I’m also not going to let my friends get me potentially killed over some chick my friend had sex with once. All pretty fucking stupid.

My ass is gonna grab a gun…steal a car…and fucking book it out of the city as fast as I can. Not only stupid but short. The movie was like an hour and 24 minutes. It rolled by pretty quickly. And I use the word “rolled” because the fucking camera work is horrible. Blair witch new york. And I understand the “I want to make this real” approach…but figure out a way to make it real and steady. I don’t like being dizzy and turning my head to watch a movie. It’s annoying.

The ending…was kinda stupid as well…but I didn’t mind it as much as the rest of the movie. The best part of the movie was when the credits started to roll…and I heard from the whole theate “I want my money back!” “That movie fucking sucked” “What a crock”. It was pretty fucking amusing.

All in all…don’t waste your money. I mean there are a couple of sexy ladies…but they just walk through the streets and a couple of times running through the streets. EXCITING. All in all it’s a bunch of hype in my opinion. Cause I keep reading all of these great reviews on this thing…and I can’t figure out what they saw that I didn’t.

So for a recap: Cloverfield sucks balls. The end.


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